Peter Pan, the character conceived by novelist and playwright J.M. Barrie depicts a mischievous, boastful young boy who spends his ceaseless childhood adventuring on the island of Neverland; flying about with a dash of fairy dust and happy thoughts, waging war with pirates, playing with and befriending mermaids, Indians and fairies alike. Most importantly and central to the essences of Peter Pan and the heart of the story in whole is his, and the gang of “lost boys”, refusal to grow-up.
The thought has dawned on me, as it has so many other “Wendys”, doesn’t this all sound a little too familiar to the world as we know it here… in the Marina…of San Francisco?
Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, as one version goes, are orphans that Tinker Bell rescues and whisks off to the magical realm of Neverland. Another tells Pan as an infant of parents with dreadfully high hopes about Peter’s responsibility-filled future (law school and so forth)- Tink rescues this anxious infant from ever having to become the adult of which terrifies him from birth. So Peter isn’t a native to Neverland, a fact that seems quite in line with more of San Francisco’s population originations- a city chock-full of transplants. Actually, San Francisco ranks one of the top cities in the entire country to West to, (or perhaps second star to the right, and straight on ‘til morning…). And of course, a note the will be touched on later, there are those initial seeds of fear about adulthood and maturity sown right into the core of Peter’s foundation before his move to Neverland.
San Francisco might be a peninsula rather than an island, but, hey, it’s close enough. The Marina, more specifically, is as island (figuratively speaking of course). With it’s Marina-loyal residents rarely venturing out of it boundaries other than for necessary leave (work…the airport…life or death emergencies…maybe that’s it?); it might as well be fully surrounded by water on all sides.
And, of course, we do have the whole cast.
Peter Pan and his band of Lost Boys (or relatively speaking, “the Marina douchebags”) can be found just about anywhere and everywhere here in Marina-land… Crunch, cursing Chestnut and Union, and drinking up those happy-thought makers at all the popular local watering holes… Tipsy, Monaghans, Horseshoe, Hifi and East Side West, to name a few.
Those devilish hottie-mermaids for case and point can be any and every female in the vicinity (“typical Marina girls”)… does it really matter? The only purpose they hold in the Peter Pan tale is to look pretty, flirt with the boys, and try to drown Wendy (the only respectable female in the bunch). This also sounds about right…
We could assume that Pirates are similar to the massive amount of aggressive homeless people populating the area. It is a daily battle to keep out of the way of stumbling, rambling, angry and sometimes mean and crafty, homeless in these parts. The war might not be as defined as Peter Pan verse Hook, but the idea of dodging and sometimes contending drunk, crazy local “Pirates” it pretty much everyone’s regular weekly occurrence. And for all intents and purposes…sometimes they are missing hands.
I don’t believe the whole “happy-thoughts” and “fairy dust” items of the list need much explanation. We are all aware here.
So, could the tale be true? Are Peter Pan, and all of those troublemaking Lost Boys, really real?
The term “Peter Pan Syndrome” isn’t something new. A pop term coined by Dan Kiley, psychology author, isn’t a real medical term but it’s pretty spot-on for so many bachelors here in San Francisco. The Marina bars and restaurants, the downtown clubs, even the gym, Starbucks and keg-fueled house parties are crowded with 30+ men who still live with roommates (when they can afford otherwise), who avoid as many responsibilities as they can get away with and who hop-skip-and-jump from one relationship (fling, hook-up… whatever you want to call it) to another in order to evade ever having to face the essentials of what it means to be in an adult relationship… that might… god forbid… more forward.
There are a few eligible, decent bachelors in their 30s around these parts that do not conform to Peter Pans, usually still single by pure accident/circumstance; but they are few and far between ladies.
So how do you spot a Peter you ask?
Symptoms:
A male over 30 with 2 or more of the following symptoms:
- Living with non-significant other roommate(s) when they can somehow afford otherwise. So. Not. Sexy.
- Goes out and drinks (non-work related) over 3 nights a week (the more alcohol or drugs involved might actually categorize them as something totally different- stay away girls!). Hi, this is life calling- get another fucking hobby.
- Have never had a relationship over 1 year because they A. Broke it off for petty reasons that they felt were just good enough to escape out of that “bear trap” B. Broke it off because they were scared of commitment/things were moving to fast/she left a toothbrush at his place B. Broke it off so they could hookup with other girls and go out with their buddies more often C. Somehow got the girl to break-up with them so they could drink/hookup with girls/play more video games/not share the bathroom sink. Well played my man, have a great time at 50 talking girls you can’t get anymore with your bros, playing Xbox solo on Saturday night and using craigslist for casual encounters…
- They play video games… I am tempted to say at all…
- They would choose to drink with their male-buddies (dude, bro, beer, sports… that whole thing) more often than they would choose to spend time with a beautiful and fun girl they are seeing. Beer…Sex… I can see how it would be a tough call…
- · The words “engagement”, “marriage”, “babies”, “mortgage” and maybe even “girlfriend” make them choke a little. Gag. Throw-up. Pass out. Whatever. Warning these men might be doomed for life. Grab your lifejacket and jump ship.
- The words “engagement”, “marriage”, “babies”, “mortgage” and maybe even “girlfriend” have never even come out of their mouth. Evacuate immediately.
- Their apartment looks like a college dorm just simply threw-up into a bigger space. The kitchen is lacking essentials like silverware; the bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in more than a month… There may or may not be a Target futon in the living as a main, and prominent piece of furniture. Insert “Slow, child at Play” sign here.
- Work comes first. Actually; work, sports, a dog, buddies and then… maybe… a girlfriend. Maybe. Don’t feel lucky to get on this list, feel damn lucky to be nowhere near the fucking list.
- They wake-up after 11am on most weekends. I mean, seriously? You. Are. Not. In. College. Anymore. Come to grips with this fact. Now.
- You have been dating for over 6 months and he has yet to call you his girlfriend, or introduce you to anyone in the family. Run. Fast.
- He thinks talking about relationships – your relationship- is equivalent to discussing a girl farting, parent’s having sex or admitting that accidental awkward bump in they had in the locker room once. Just a reminder: the 5th grade was more than 20 years ago.
- Their mother does any of the following for them on any sort of regular basis: pay bills, their laundry, stocks their fridge, makes doctor’s appointments, or calls more than once a day. Get scissors. Cut cord.
- They do not own anything remotely important and/or expensive. House, car, computer, watch… phone… Flashing Lights! Beware: This would directly influence a ring.
- They do not have a job. Voluntarily. No more commentary needed.
- He cannot spell the words “commitment”, “exclusive”, “monogamy” or “chivalry”. He is in need of some serious Border’s time in the self-help aisle.
And as a warning, remember those words Peter told to Wendy… "Just always be waiting for me, and then some night you will hear me crowing." Don’t hold you breath, Wendy.
